Is it bad that when I see ugly people make out, I hope he's impotent?
onenightstand. Woke up and saw my nuva ring on the floor. apparently he thought it was a glow stick. pick me up please?
he didnt ask why there was a glowstick shoved up your vag?
note to self..putting cheap vodka in a bottle of grey goose does not make it taste better
He's a fan of Alicia Keys on Facebook. It doesn't NEED to say 'interested in men'.
How do I recover from singing "your body is a wonderland" on his voicemail?
I sent her a Relationship Request on Facebook last night, she accepted and we fucked.. I changed my Relationship Status to Single, I think she'll get the point
i realized i had a pad on before i went to this guys house so i stuck it in his neighbors shrub.
I just realized I have my pepper spray, gun, and vibrator all in one drawer. One false grab and I'm screwed either way.
he made me scream out "#24" while we fucked...no more football players
I'm not drinking cause I'm like 4 vodkas away from a boom box and Peter Gabriel.
You guys bombarded us in the bathroom and that kid whipped his dick out and peed in the sink.
You just kept screaming "PLEASE YELL CORNDOG AT HIM. PLEASE. CORNDOG."
I fell in the river last night. The allegheny to be exact. Omg getting drunk at work gatherings is dangerous
Company meeting and there he was. Felt a little weird like 'last night you were telling me how your dick loves me, and now we're listening to a report on sales figures'.
It's not even 8:30a, wine glass is broken, there's sugar everywhere, and your mom just asked me what MILF means.
Randomize
