dude, despite what happened last night, I'm not gay
I just remembered Dan asking me all polite in the middle of sex "do you mind if I get behind you?" that was the most polite way I've been asked to do it doggy style
Last night I apparently send my boss a picutre of my boobs. On the bonus part I got a raise today. So I just want to thank your parents for naming you Jeff cuz if I was not so hammered last night I would have sent it to the right one.
fuck. did you have to draw it on me with a permanent marker
Either she got face surgery at midnight, or i need to stop drinking...
If you weren't supposed to have sex with your ex then they wouldn't rhyme.
She wasnt impressed wen i brought a guy for her back with me, a 3am impromptu sperm donor is not a gd birthday present. Im a bad gf.
Don't worry, your car is safe with me. I am throwing watermelons out of it at mailboxes and hipster kids.
I feel like I deserve an award for facing my fear of penises in my face.
So immediately after we finished having sex she started singing, "The Circle of Life", put her clothes on and then just left. I think I'm in love.
I respect your roll as DD and there're am required to respect your vehicle
i cant hook up i'm covered in egg rolls
I hate when my Bumble matches make it hard for me to stalk them.
You stuck your false lashes to your upper lip and then asked that ONE kid with facial hair if your "mustaches could touch" as an excuse to make out.
She’s a Vegas 8, which makes her an Oklahoma 27
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