my throat hurts so bad i feel like i just gave head to a cactus.
His facebook status is an owl city song. I'm so glad i didn't end up fucking him.
You passed out in the bathroom with the door locked. Had to take a shit in your litter box. Don't worry, your cat buried it for me.
Dude... Hand job in the lake... It was as weird as it sounds.
is it sad that I can recall my outfits by who took them off?
The guy in the next stall screamed courtesy flush and then puked. Bless you Vegas
I cannot for the life of me remember why I am holding this rabbit.
The Russian stripper asked if I like foreign girls. I told her I absolutely fucking hate accents. Most awkward 7 minutes ever
She's working this semester. Her dad saw he was listed as 'the atm' on her phone and cut off tuition for three months.
Nick is about to bring home a woman who is 39, a mother, and, by all accounts, FUCKING HOMELESS. Will update as details become available.
I've started brushing my teeth at 6pm, because honestly alcohol is the only thing I consume after that
I'm going to a one year olds birthday party to smoke weed. What has my life become.
he woke up this morning, drunk as fuck, butt ass naked, and he had left grandmas gun on the counter and doesn't know why.
I think I just got suckerpunched by a 14-year-old.
I just gave my boss a blowjob. underneath his desk at work. that promotion is mine!
Randomize
