I puked in a mailbox on the way back from your house.
i just used burnetts to get spraypaint off the floor of my dorm lobby
you'd think with how big her nose is she'd have a better smelling pussy..
Are you pooping in the stall next to me?
Maybe....
Cause I just heard a fart and it sounded like one of your farts.
had a guy just try to take his underwear off in the middle of the bar w o taking his pants off. That kind of Sunday afternoon
I'm hungover and surrounded by children and Republicans. What did I do to deserve this?
She only spoke Russian, but she was so gorgeous it didn't matter
Oh. I think she ate all the cake and took our vodka...still gorgeous.
It's like god made him fantastic at oral to make up for what his mouth does the rest of the time.
And then we can spend New Year's Day sprawled across the tiles watching greys anatomy and puking into the bushes over the balcony. It'll be great
Abort mission; I repeat: Abort mission.I found an attractive one.
Jenn from HR called him the new office boy toy. I think I need to bathe in bleach.
I CALLED IT A FRIENDSHIP. NOT A I WANT YOUR MAN PARTS IN MY LADY PARTS-SHIP.
I mean, it's a romantic picture of pubes if I've ever seen one
I think I had sex with a seagull last night. The window is open and there a feathers everywhere.
It finally happened my mom knowingly gave me money to buy drugs i knew this day would come\n
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