i guess its not very common for a paramedic to have to revive someone who was struck by a falling shampoo bottle while getting off from the bathtub faucet.
my head feels like I tried to put alcohol out of business last night
You told her the u were going to wrap your dick around her neck and start her like a lawn mower. thats why she left.
FYI: Do not ever call any girl a thundercunt as a form of dirty talk.
Imagine if sharks could walk on land...scary.
Well, both are illegal but one involves my vagina a whole lot less.
Definitely got drunk and sent her a literal picture of my asshole. I titled it " you"
i licked the inside of a toilet bowl for $14. i really can't talk about my night.
We carried on a casual conversation about plants while I gave him a hand job.
you were sat in the corner crying until someone gave you a baguette, which you then tried to feed to the duck doorstop.
I regret nothing
Just made a PowerPoint called "Reasons Why You Should Fuck Me" at his request. The sad thing is we've had sex before...
I'm on my way to bail our sister out of jail with our mother's credit card. How old are we??
Just got hit on via LinkedIn..do I capitalize on this opportunity/land a job or reply something sassy
I think that living in the "now" is the worst fucking ghandi buddha whatever advice bc that means I'm just gonna get drunk in the now.
If you left your bike out in front, I just watched some dude steal it.
Randomize
