The elaphant ear plant popped a new leaf ! Wahoo !
I cant believe I just managed to do a drug deal across the country for you...
gonna sleep on the stairs... to drunk to keep going up, way to drunk to go down, gonna find a comfy spot right here... its safer that way
hungover subway ride filled with german tourists and a mariachi band. too early. too fuckin early
She sent me a map and directions for a booty call. In a park. Give me reason not to marry her.
Don't make it weird, I don't think about you when I'm climaxing, it's just that I see you rooting me on.
WHY did you say no to the sex seance?
guys with girlfriends don't have a leg to stand on when they get mad at you for fucking other guys
The night before doing drugs with your bro is like Christmas Eve that made love to thanksgiving that made love a virgin.
the worst fight me and my gf ever had was over Guy fieri
I had a dream I got back with Amanda. And then cheated on her the same day. Even my conscious is a dick
Don't judge me. It's a Monday night and I can eat burritos in while bathing in the kitchen sink if I want to.
Well I just had a flashback of something I did in the 4th grade. Now I can't go back to sleep.
I heard a crunch while giving him head. I looked up and he was eating Cheese Itz. So we made a deal that he'd take a hand job so I could eat them too.
I dont pretend to understand how the heterosexual mind works. Its a mysterious cavern of stupidity and disgusting sexual acts.
Randomize
