I didn't notice until this morning that he had a six inch RAT TAIL...
it only took me 1 hour to write 8 pages. i'm never doing school work without adderall ever again.
i like how i just referred to his pregnant wife as the "other" melissa and you didn't even judge me.
Apparently the cops have a video of me singing bob seger "Night moves".
It seems like every guy I've hooked up with all end up hanging out together, its like a cult.
All I can remember is being told by a guy named Kyle to stay in the corner until the cops left. Then waking up on a porch outlined in beer cans 8 blocks from my house. Pregaming for college.
I think ill wear my dads dashiki but make it sluttier. We shall see
I got eye-fucked by an 80 year old man wearing a cowboy hat while I was singing country. How do you think karaoke went?
do you know where my other puke covered boot is
I want a bottle of whiskey to be dropped at my doorstep like a stork drops babies when they are delivered to their parents.
God what have you done to be that much in need of alcohol.
Me WANTS my preciousssssssssss
the bandages come off on Tuesday. we can try out my new breasts then.
I almost put an adult beverage in my sippy cup for the beach but realized the next step would be rehab.
No the next step is being buzzed at the beach. I would've.
Are you good with a knife? I need someone to perform amateur surgery.
We were all day drunk by 2pm. Now I know why they hate Americans
just move with us, we wanted to get a dog. youre kind of the same thing..
Randomize
