kindergarten is hard when you're hung over.
and you tried to get a free burrito from Potbelly's
New beer pong partner names "Bus Boys" ... We clear tables
Birthday Coupon: This text is good for alteast 3 hours of Birthday Sex. Redeamable any time, anywhere, and any style.
Her thighs are so strong. I thought my head was gonna get crushed when I was eating her out
He just remixed a spongebob song with 2 chainz..... Clearly I love him
Surveying the reception hall and I'm fearing the worst possible thing that could ever happen...this might be a dry wedding.
.,.,you might have to leave
Apparently I give handjobs in my sleep. So that's interesting.
I didn't tell that thing I wasn't coming over. Whoops
You know you haven't dated in a while when you call boys "that thing" and call dates "a boy type thing."
I think he has some internal "man stuff" that keeps getting in the way.
Like alcoholism and general douchbagary.
If body pillows had a built in vibrator attached I would literally never need a boyfriend again
i thought this was a perfectly normal conversation between two adult men about why this children's cartoon is quality television but no you just gotta be talking shit again
Want ramen today?
I need a salad
SALAD DOESNT WARM YOUR HEART AND BELLY
Did you make it home alright?
No I'm sitting under a tree by a cricket. He's alone crying out for someone to Fuck him. This guy gets me.
im just letting you know I walked in on you with four different guys last night. a. you were all naked. b. they're all roommates
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