My farts woke her up so I pretended to be keep sleeping.
i scrubbed and i scrubbed and i scrubbed and i still was a whore
I just realized I haven't had steady access to a woman's body since I was breastfeeding.
his penis was like watching paranormal activity your very hyped up to see it but you think it might be very scary and in the end you didnt really see anything at all
I'm trapped in whichever ring of hell is populated by inbred yokels and type 2 diabetes.
The trick is to not slur when purchasing the condoms at 3am
hows a nice way to say "yeah i would go to your dorm, but it's snowing and I know you're not going to blow me, so what's the point"?
So does it count as really great road-head if he ran over 3 mailboxes before realizing he was off the road?
I just tripped out to the Angel of Music from Phantom of the Opera in my car. Wayyyy to high for shuffle right now.
do you know how ratchet you have to be to get kicked out of a drag club on Halloween weekend??
Should I tell this TSA agent his fly is down while he is trying to hit on this chick?
Do you hit a new low in life when you have to carry around a puke bag in your purse when you're hungover?
I am never drinking with the goths again.
MDMA, margaritas, mashed potatoes and ice cream aren't keto Kristin
OMG WE ARE UP TO THREE MINORS WORKING HERE. I AM NOT READY FOR THIS MID LIFE CRISIS.
Randomize
