I'm either too drunk or not bisexual anymore
Skanksgiving break is awesome already... pilgrim and indian roleplay tonight.
oh hey summer self, welcome to endless thirsty thursdays and walks of shame.
Just found a partially digested mushroom under my bed. Thanks for that.
She ate the cookie then went to the emergency room. Now her fam is pressing charges. Don't people understand you DON'T steal baked goods from potheads??
We thought we were getting kicked out but then he started tickling the bouncer. Next thing you know the bouncers giving him a piggy back ride to the bar.
You want anything?
Gatorade and you naked.
dude she got out of bed and definitely took a shit then checked her stomach out in the mirror and whispered "well that probably took off five pounds"
Dude... I had a dream that I was getting high for the first time. I got to experience my weedginity again. It was glorious.
When you're done railing that chick, there is still half a pizza and some ninja turtle mac and cheese down here if you want
You blew him?!?!
*Am blowing
And I keep taking breaks to write you back, please stop replying.
Do you ever just feel the storm building inside of you that tells you you're ready for a giant indiscriminate fuckfest?
He turned on read receipts specifically so i'd know he was ignoring me.
You better not fucking die before we have sex while you blow fire. I'm serious. Don't mess up my sexual bucket list.
I just want a man in my bed on a regular basis, who cuddles, and who I can also occasionally hang out with outside of my bedroom. Is that too much to ask for?
Randomize
