Last night was a blur. All I remember is jizzing in the squeegee bucket at a gas station.
The look on the soccer mom's face was PRICELESS.
The "puke-towel" started to grow something...
He kept spanking me and talking about biomedical science.
Aw, you fucked a pre-med? you're moving up in the world!
literally overdrew my bank account at 3 in the morning to eat subway with 7 sherriffs.
Guess what happened to me today at work?
I have chlamydia. What happened.
Oh lets talk about your news first. Mine is happy so it should go second.
230 lb girl across the train from me is giving a dude in a kilt a handjob while he sits in her lap
dude you said you were going to be a human flag and climbed the telephone pole and fell in front of a car
One of us will probably end up wearing nothing but glow/ neon body paint and a pair of water wings...
And I am in no way ashamed to say that it will most likely be me. I'm hoping for it actually.
BABIES FOR EVERYONE. I'd be like Oprah except with babies
But really- as the voice of your vagina I am BEGGING you to do it. If not for yourself than for your poor innocent puss
he doesn't sweat normal. maybe that's what THC smells like coming through the sweat glands...
I hate drunk me more than anyone else in this world
There's nothing more awkward than going on a beer run with 3 ten year olds....teacher of the year right here!
This is a weird combination of planning and sexting but whatever
I hate when he takes the condom off to cum all over me. It defeats the purpose.
It’s like having a barf bag and choosing to puke in your own lap.
Randomize
