alcohol turns me into mario batali of easy mac
I'm gonna have sex with a woman...help
Do any of you want to be on a three way call with me while this girl masturbates in 10 min? You can't talk
He pulled the washer 5 feet out from the wall screaming about quarters
He tried to write down the address for the cab on half a bagel.
Dude before you bang that chick preheat the oven to 425 I wanna make a pizza for afties
..But I'm still alive. And thats the main thing
Somewhere along the night we ended up at a food lion giving jello shots to high school girls.
I think my sister is getting tired of me breaking into her house so I can sleep with random girls when shes not there
Bright side: maybe hell start being nice to you now that you know he has erectile dysfunction.
Would 7 layered rainbow jello shots entice you?
never stay at a party until 5am. even if it's because of daylight savings. we ended up having to watch porn with the host's dad...
I just gargled with NyQuil
Alright I'd bang a 4 sober, It's been like 3-4 weeks or how ever long 4th of July was ago. I wanna fuck something.
4th of July was 12 days ago. The date is literally in the text you just sent.
I don't care about the dates I just wanna bone something.
We are taking a shrt nap on the sidewalk cme fine me if you want but dont wake me up
Randomize
