Did we have sex?
No you put the condom on then passed out on the bed so I left
After we had sex, she played this little piggy with my toes
you freaked out because you thought your face lotion was cum in a bottle
just remembered that i started a tab for just myself at 50 cent beer night last night... i dont understand my life
Also, I'm sewing my entire Halloween costume by hand. I better get laid at every single party I go to.
the cops didn't wanna shut the tailgate down but the strippers weren't allowed to take money without a license or somthing
He tried eating fireworks, to stop him being hungover in the morning. Where do you keep finding these people?!
And is it bad that I haven't talked to guys who I haven't already dated? I feel like a recycle bin.
I was on my way last night when some asshole yelled "make better life choices" out the window of his car. I felt so self conscious I went home.
hotboxing with the ex-bf's two most recent hookups. they just realized they're eskimo sisters with his best friend. this is what happens when I come home for Christmas.
I was totally pumped and so was my beard
Thx for last night. I've never had so much fun while being told my life decisions are questionable at best.
i just want things to go smoothly
oh they won't lmao
Played Gay Bar on the jukebox and pissed off the Republicans here. Best day before birthday ever.
I just came in my own mouth don't ask me how cuz it really hurt and felt good at the same time.
Randomize
