i took some ambien and I TRIPPED out...i went into my mom's room to say goodnight and i don't remember anything...she said that i got really pissed at her because we were living in the Keebler elf tree and she was visiting other trees, then i started laughing hysterically and she goes "whats so funny?" and i go "there are 7 people sitting on my knees" and she goes "doesn't that hurt?" and i said "no we're sitting in a bowl" and then i capped it off and said "join the crazy train bro" and passed out.
I haven't gotten laid in forever. I'm obsessed. I imagine I this is how Ethopians feel about food.
did i by any chance text you anything about feathers last night?
you mean faeutihaers?
12 garbage cans filled with water, a beer can floating in every garbage can, 20 ft. apart and you shoot with dodge balls..and thats only how the night began
I walked downstairs and he was standing in nothing but his boxers with his dick hanging out warming up eggs in the microwave.
I decided to buy a keg of Miller Lite instead of paying the electric bill. Just thought I'd give you a heads up...
you're by far the better bro. your dick is more impressively sized, anyway
I hate that you know that from experience
Nothing says casual like stairwell bjs
I felt like... 50% confused and 50% like a slow roasted flip flop.
So do you know how we found out he was engaged?
An Amber Alert?
please come back they are interrogating me about masturbation
I genuinely attribute some of my blowjob skills to playing saxophone in highschool
Wanna see if we can get cut off at bdubs again? The same hipster manager that is younger than us is working again
Are you in a position where you can bring me some nachos?
Anyhow. He gives me orgasms and cuddles and buys me dinner and alcohol. Ill keep him around and cross that other girl bridge when we get there ha ha
Randomize
