I may have told her we're dating for a handjob, Fake tits are overrated.
Spencer Pratt, I WILL beat the shit out of you someday, I Promise
Ryan Howard.... the only guy who struck out more than me this weekend
He gave me a promise ring. He promised that he will imagine me as every girl he fucks in college.
What do you think french fries on pizza would taste like?
i already know. Delicious. Use ranch.
230 lb girl across the train from me is giving a dude in a kilt a handjob while he sits in her lap
He's grinding topless with a group of girls to that discovery channel song. May I take a message?
Weekend plan is a big bag of dope, delivery food, Bollywood marathon and masterbating my dick raw.
Hey dude this is some next level no homo shit but im gonna get 2 tickets to the opera and go Hail Mary on this one girl. U take the extra ticket if i fail.
The cab driver gave me a church card yesterday and said I should reconnect with god.
Then he gave me 2 tickets to a movie he's going to be in
Did you hear about Miss Teen Delaware? From the snippet they played on the radio, I knew exactly what porn company it was from. Maybe I should cut back
Damn you and your marathon penis with its superhuman capabilities
Dude I'm so clean right now. Like I feel insulted that I can pass a piss test.
She puked on the floor because she said she really liked to clean.
No one can touch me, I'm made of fruit.
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