dude did u upper deck my toilet?
haha like two months ago
i cleaned the bathroom like ten times before i realized what the smell was.....i hate u
Also, just grabbed a bunch of "tuxedo black" condoms. formal, anyone?
do you remember the combo for the lock to my pants?
Do you know what's great about Canada?..... There will always be a Tim Hortons on my walk of shame route
I want a burrito.
Truly, you are the voice of a generation.
You turned byob into bring your own shit show. Good work.
I plan on drinking enough to kill at least 2 frat boys and make an aa meeting weep for joy
Just bought shock top, Trojans, double shots and baby oil. At 8 am. While the lady in front of me bitched about her expired coupons.
I'm in too deep with Breaking Bad. I realized I've altered my Tinder likes to people that either look like Jesse or work in a school's Science department.
I love getting kicked out of places. Its like winning a little league game
Thou shall not get drunk and hit bitch cup in pong and take shirt off while wearing a see-through lace bra again
Hey you're my best friend, I'm sorry I picked my vagina over my heart last night.
That shit was hard as fuck. It felt like a mountain entering my vagina.
Dicks are not precious.
How do you explain to your parents that you can't go to the library because you got banned for being drunk in there... on a Sunday afternoon?
That's $100,000 of quality education right there.
Randomize
