This hotel is not contributing to my sobriety, they have 4 kinds of free wine and beer.
Great. My funeral dress now smells of smoke and disappointing sex.
I cant yet im literally covered in lube but I will later
You drank everything last night. It was like this huge deconstructed long island that went on for 5 hours
I wonder if they'd let me siphon the gas out my car before they impound it
well someone pooped in the lint basket in the laundry room last night, but none of us will admit to it so we're all just secretly judging each other and doubting ourselves.
The bed I'm sleeping in has a headboard only handcuffs could love. I'm gonna pick up a local dude and wreck that.
I can't believe I'm giving you play by plays of this sexting convo. It's like a three way he doesn't know about.
I definitely think you should enjoy one last spring break being a sorostitute before you get serious and settle down with price charming. I mean hes not going to be there any way. he can wait a week.
I think I'm going to call this chapter of my life story "Weekday day-drinking in the park isn't just for the homeless!"
I gave you keys to my house and drugs. This must mean we're in a relationship.
You know you gave a quality blow job when you have to ice your neck and jaw the next day.
I think I offered a man a blowjob for his power ranger suite last night...
Is it appropriate to be taking shots at 11 on sunday?
Absolutely same thing as church only different
It doesn't matter how nice the shirt you wore to the bar was, you still shouldn't have worn it to a job interview
Randomize
