Is it sad that I'm on the stopduiaz.com website and there is a cute boy but it will never work between us because hes in jail for 17.5 years?
Um.. is it mean if I say yes?
How would my first penpal letter even go? "Hey saw you on stopduiaz.com, sucks you killed that motorcyclist. Whats your favorite thing to do on the weekend?"
love makes seman taste better
then she woke up from sleeping for an hour and the first thing she said was "i regret it already"
I tried telling you she just blew me in the bathroom but you were too busy making out with her to listen
Thanks for convincing the hot dog guy to give me one for $1 after I drunkenly dropped the first one. I loved your reasoning "I know you mark that shit up! I work in retail!"
Drunk in a canoe getting pulled by a lawnmower thinking of you
why are all my papers due the day after my potential hangover
We haven't said piping hot jizz in awhile... that needs to come back into our conversations
I tried to force my roommate into a sink last night. And I almost won.
Second time this week margarita night turned homoerotic
The picture that pops up when I call her phone is a picture of my nipple. Just so you're forewarned.
I just found out two girls I dated met each other, bonded over how much they hate me, started dating and are gonna get married soon.
she wanted me to tie her up with my playstation charger cord. i kept on hoping she wasn't a squirter. those cords r expensive. could have def been a Sony commercial tho
Sad realization: so long as I use this sleep apnea machine, I will never be the little spoon!
I honestly have no desire to wear clothes around you
I have that affect on people
Randomize
