I dk what to do with this kid he is like legitimately interested in my life.
He's coming over tonight...I really wish I didn't have my period right now...
I believe I'm witnessing the first time ever that you wished your period would NOT come....
Nicole, you can't keep coming over at 3am wanting to build igloos.
Found a guy passed out on the coffee table with a thong duct taped from ear to ear.
Washing vom off hardwood, so much easier than carpet. Thank you adulthood!
Drunk Tina signed up to be part of the crew team and got a text from the captain telling her there's practice tomorrow. Wtf
It's ok, I may have just peed outside your car and used your whataburger napkins. Hope you weren't saving them for a special occasion.
It was like bizarre-o star trek. I shamefully went where every man has gone before.
Just talked to Laura, confirming that is my bra. Hope it goes well with the rest of your wall decorations.
Are you drunk? Because I am and if you're not, this may be very awkward in the morning
Thats for me to know and you to find out.
Please tell me I didn't try to make out with a 70 year old Romanian man last night ...
My mom just drunk texted me complaining about her genitals smelling like Taco Bell. I really am her son
You can't just say "I scored us a potential threesome" and then not text me back.
i just had to ask the gas station attendant what state i was in... winning at life.
im in missouri by the way.
Yeah, let's go with that. Fuck that weak moment of complete honesty I just had.
Randomize
