Oh my god you would drunk register for a marathon.
She told me to "stuff her hole like a build-a-bear". I was so drunk I didn't even think that was weird.
The guy i fucked last week got done first on the test in my 900 person class. If im pregnant at least it will be smart.
She was kinda tragic... like a puppy that runs into things. Cute but really stupid. So, yeah, I hit it.
Shark Week. Kick off begins Sunday. The drinking game has been upgraded to include jumping/breaching sharks and Jake's not allowed to bring the harpoon. Period.
he told me that my best friend was "one the most attractive people he's ever seen" and wondered why he didn't get a blow job
Would you have sex with a guy wearing a Batman mask?
It's all hypothetical, I don't have a Batman mask... yet...
Saturday morning. Went into a study room excited b/c some1 had left a paper w/ an inspirational quote: YOU ARE cApable of aChieving anything yoU waNT. Then I read the bold letters.....
Just woke up in his bed wearing only his shoes. I don't know how to gently say hey dude get the fuck up and take me home....regardless these are some nice shoes.
Always wear a seatbelt when giving road head. I think I'm just going to tell people I don't remember how I got the fat lip.
PUT YOUR FRESHLY SHAVED MEXICAN POON ON THAT BEARD. NOW.
Can I just skip the lesson I have planned for tomorrow and just teach my students about Prohibition using my impending hangover?
This is why american education is failing
Lol I'm not having group sex with you, that apron is fuckin awesome tho
Your vagina needs to teach my vagina its ways.
I checked her ID this morning. Lets just say...she's older than my mom
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