Your lack of dick hurts my anus. I hate your loverboy tactics.
you dialed the number "23" then talked to it for three minutes
He just said he was the Jesus of alcoholics.
Dangr zzzzzzzzone
Apparently you need a permit for a flamethrower.
we're stoned watching those roller coaster simulators w our hands up screaming on our couch
I'm riding shot gun after Shawn took a dump in a happy meal box because we were making record time.
She told me to act like the hulk during sex. Shit got 9 different shades of weird
Seriously, I want to give you a plaque thanking you for your dedicated service to my vagina.
I think it's god's punishment for my behavior in Vegas . Lies were told. Angels were defiled. Pools were pissed in
Please hurry up and come back. This is so awkward. He's showing me banana videos.
I'm at an awkward stage of not being able to tell if I wanna keep having fun or if I need to die in bed
We played Rock Paper Scissors to see who would have to go down on the other person.
Fuckin' raining men in my bedroom while I'm trying to drunk eat a rather large portion of pasta. Like shoo I already picked who I'm sleeping with. Pasta wins.
It's finals week and I'm halfway done with this bag of wine and don't plan on stopping. Say goodbye to my GPA
Randomize
