I want the hot one, scratch that. anyone.
Just heard a guy discussing with someone else the amazing blow job you gave him. I’m in New York. Over 2 hours away from where you live. I have never been more proud.
I woke up this morning naked, with a to-go box from Qdoba, an entire meal completely untouched. I have been piecing together my night to find some answers. I feel like Nancy Drew.
i guess i finally out drove tiger woods this morning..
Hey. I found $5 in quarters from one of those state quarter collection books. I'm using it for food tomorrow.
He fell and asked for a beer and a band-aid.
HE GOT FOURTEEN STICHES
knew i was gonna lose at a shoe or be bleeding at some point. and both happened within 20 mins.
My phone now knows what I type and it prompts me with frequently used words. And anytime I use "and" and hit the space key two of the words are "unicorn" and "sausage"
He said the last thing he remembered thinking was: 'Why is this vagina spinning?' Too drunk sex is no ones friend.
Just got discharged from the hospital after getting my finger stitched back together don't you dare say you had a worse night than me
I felt like the hulk waking up from a black out except with munchies
He asked if I had any questions. Apparently, "how thick is the stick up your ass" was not a correct question.
Then his buddy called and said "my car broke down, I need a ride. If I'm not home by midnight they'll extend my house arrest." And I knew it was time to leave.
I took it as a sign from the lord above that she wanted me to creep on these men.
He’s 48, has a Prince Albert piercing and a white Range Rover
Randomize
