what do you think about when you wanna get rid of a boner?
dying kittens.
Left my ID again and at a Giant's game. This is the second time they accepted my handgun safety certificate as proof of ID to buy beer.
Sundresses, hats, and big glasses. That is the greatest trick the devil ever taught women.
i have a food baby... i think its a boy...
You should see the damage i did to the apartment last night. So many broken things and butter sticks stuck to windows.No memorys
I'm afraid to text her because most of the time she just replies with "cockblock."
As one final fuck you to the courthouse i'm paying the rest of this ticket with sacajawea coins.
I peed glitter this morning and had a beard drawn on my face with eyeliner. Last time I do shots with gay Dan.
it's graduation. he's gonna get congratulations slash emotional i cant believe youre leaving me sex.
I have 39 hot sauces from Chipotle
It's like earning obesity badges
So, left this guys house wearing a #1 Grandpa shirt and I think this is the best sex score I've ever had.
Hahaha more like walk of pride. You entered the lions den last night.
ever since I turned 21 the mother-daughter bonding sessions always end with whiskey and my little pony. I don't know why, it's just a thing that happens
Hello my rib-scented angel!
Omg I joined a choir last night...
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