sorry about last night, sometimes people just get drunk and have sex witht heir friends
I know, I was there.
no memory loss, but i'm unhappy with my memories
He had a 99.9% chance of getting laid...until he started cutting down the frat's volleyball nets with his pocket knife.
I usually just read books and meditate to an aquatic soundtrack of sea walrus's mating. But ill choose coors light instead
Yesterday was just the icing on the rejection cake that was my week
would it be mean if I put better with the lights off on my sex playlist just for my hook up with him?
Roommate just came in drunk and tweaked out because my tv has a DVD player built in. Waaaaaayyyy too sober for that conversation.
I think these people may actually be nudists. You know it's bad when I feel uncomfortable.
I fell on my face, puked, and had to be rocked to sleep in a hammock. I'd say Europe is a success
I lost my flask somewhere between dancing shirtless to The Spice Girls and walking around Wawa opening/eating things and putting them back.
I sent you a snap of me in the bath, and you sent me a snap of a taco. An actual taco.
Seeking encouragement from my tinder matches to ace this test. I've sunk to a newest low.
We inadvertently arrived at the strip club on Bear Night. The dancers all look like young Santa Claus and there's a buffet....
It's one PM on a Saturday and I'm sitting here drinking Jack, eating a block of cheese and playing Minecraft. Please tell me you can come drag me to a bar.
She sent me a thank you card for not fucking her boyfriend...
Randomize
