his penis was crooked so i rode him at an angle. he seemed used to this.
Just met a female bro. Things are weird at the rugby party.
My nipple rings set off the metal detector at the courthouse this morning.
There are paw prints all over my ceiling.
my six pack is really starting to show since I started fucking everything that moves
I'm going as either a recovering alcoholic, or as a guy who came to the party straight from work. Too literal?
My boss just high fived me after finding out i made it through lunch rush rolling on molly. To think this guy used to terify me.
i wish i could tell my students that all of their lessons plans were brought to them by captain morgan and diet coke. it's like seasame street, only for high schoolers being taught by a student teacher.
I will turn myself into a beacon of get at me bro
He Dutch ovened me while I was hiding under the covers from his mom. Needless to say it did not end well.
the only thing I remember was some guy took out his fake eye to use it for beer pong
There are regrets.. and there are RAGRETS
I just took a condom out of my purse and opened it in front of my entire family because I thought it was a wetnap. Way too hungover for family brunch.
Ahhh the shame of taking out my recycling
QUIT BEING A BITCH, DRINK SOME PEPTO, AND PUKE ON OUR FOES
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