no, no I am DEF NOT pregnant. typo. sorry, wanted to talk about us...
well that was a long night...
dude, you were pretty messed up... what happened?
no idea... but i still woke up with my pirate hat on
your life is more of a joke than dina lohan.
if you\'re going to compare me please pick the classy one. Michael Lohan.
you were so high you spent the rest of the night smelling pepper to prove you can sneeze with your eyes open
Do you remember unrolling paper towels as a blanket?
On the bright side I still get a $20 referral bonus at the plasma center even though he passed out during donation because he was so high.
We are having a competition to see who can masterbate in the wierdest place, right now hes winning since he masterbated on his Jr. High school bus.
You were laying in bed whispering and crying to the half eaten burrito saying "why am I shitting so much" and "what did I do to deserve this"
The front desk girl just had that condescending welcome-home-from-your-walk-of-shame face on
It was probably because you set your bra on the couter while you found your ID...
I'm like a savant for remembering names I learned while I was drunk. Seriously, I'm three for three. I'm on a roll.
All I want is to get as high as I did that time I started hallucinating that my brother was becoming a monkey and I saw my mum on every surface of your room.
Just remembered when I first started going down on him he goes "ok now I feel a little better about the broncos losing"
And the sexual frustration is like I'm wearing a damn horcrux
I'm not dropping acid and watching game of thrones with you. That just sounds like a disaster waiting to happen.
The fact that I made out with a twenty one year old father is kind of worrying me now. Like. This is exactly what I wasn't supposed to do in life.
Randomize
