You do realize the lyrics aren't "hold me close TONY DANZA" right?
You can't be serious.
every time I hook up with him I think about the fact that penicillin was a mistake too... and look how well that turned out. It makes me feel just a little bit better.
He just said "I made some changes in my life. The male g-spot is in the rectum and I wanted to explore that."
it's a little hard to watch the basketball games with my family considering they keep cheering for the guy that i had a one night stand with...
we marched down beaver avenue with lit tiki torches humming the olympics opening song.
I like to balance the number of cups of coffee to bong rips in the morning before work.
Waking up with a sore back because you put the team on it for jager pong all night
He sent me a vid of himself jerking off. I hope his hands are the size of tennis rackets or it will be a very short date.
Volunteering at a homeless shelter a bum asked if he could lick me cause I still reeked of whiskey. Being a bumsickle=epic hangover
I forgot I did whipits. Probably because my brain cells were killed from the whipits
I totally intended to come to the hotel, but I woke up in a parking lot
The struggle is real.
The exact people you expect to find at a bar at 2pm are here. Come visit. We'd really like the company.
Yeah you'd pretty much be ruined if you broke up with a guy like that and then had to return to the dating pool
He's two decades older than you. Remember how you said you wish you lived in the 70s? HE DID.
Also so weird my phone cracked after I repeatedly threw it at the ground as hard as possible
Randomize
