Just found a glow stick inside of my vagina..
With the amount of traffic your vagina gets, it was only a matter of time before someone threw a rave there.
its like think what a normal person would think but completely the opposite.
She bought a fucking hedgehog. And that's just the tip of the crazy iceberg.
Tempting. But I already used the alcohol poisoning excuse at work this month. No way he would believe it a second time...
Her life is filled with shit luck. Its like mother nature is having her period and just taking it out on her specifically.
I feel like our low point of the night was when we had to start chasing with ice cubes and wheat thins.
She walked home carrying a six pack of beer and someone elses cat
SHE BETTER HAVE BROUGHT BACK MY FUCKING COUCH CUSIONS OR SHES GUNNA GET IT.
I tried to force my roommate into a sink last night. And I almost won.
she shotgunned a can of v8, threw the can on the ground and said, "fuck bitches get money" then passed out on the spot
Your children are clinging to me like my teets are full of bountiful milkiness. They're driving me nuts. I felt my uterus shrivel up.
I went over to help her build a porch, but we decided that was too much work, so we just got high and watched Scooby Doo
Just laying in bed with my vibrator eating cold tortillas and listening to Savage Garden.
I am so sorry. Not sure for what, but whatever I did last night probably merits an apology, so I'm covering my bases.
I don't think it counts as a booty call at 6:30 pm.
All three of the bartenders here have screwed my boss, so he's definitely gay. Unfortunately for you he seems to have a type and you're not it.
Randomize
