Did you hallucinate the same white buffalo that I did last night.
No, but I did see you shaking hands with a homeless man.
i passed out on the floor in my hallway and woke up with my dog licking himself 2 inches from my face. my first reaction? envy
What do you want? Don't say anything that would make me look like a pussy at the store.
Learned a lot. Like boys with frosted tips still exist. And that they're sensitive to constructive criticism.
I told her I was team Edward. I haven't gotten laid that easy since I told your sister that I had cancer
There's nothing more uncomfortable than drifting into sexual fantasies on a roadtrip and realizing you have a boner with three other dudes in the car.
Yeah, it was all fun and games until I realized that it wasn't my tent, and I had no idea who those people were
Put you drinking hat aside for Tuesday. My buddy is bartending!
I just puked in my drinking hat.
I'm going to call you, don't answer. Need to practice moaning to your answering machine again
his name is devion and he has a voice like velvet and handcuffs
I'm having an emotional breakdown watching baby sloths on YouTube you need to come save me from myself.
Would it be inappropriate to send a friend request to the sheriff that fingerprinted me last night???
Today one of my patients offered me pot brownies. Medical school worth it. Living the dream.
It's the kind of dick you travel across the country for
Step one: We finally agreed on an au pair that we both wanna fuck.
Randomize
