remember when you found twisted pleasure condoms in my parents bathroom? theyre gone.
his prince albert piercing just severely cut the roof of my mouth. can you pick me up at the hospital if he drops me off?
Apparently throwing up on your own cape is still a party foul
oh yea it is. i was not expecting to look at a snowbank and just see flying mushrooms
Chasing 100 proof soco w water from the tap at 4 pm, it's gonna one of those kinda Thursdays...
Overdraft my account again. Parents are starting to ask questions. What would go over better a gambling or drug addiction??
Dude i don't know we had to beg the bouncer to let us in because you were bleeding everywhere and he saw you run into a dumpster
THIS ISN'T WORKING THIS IS THE DRUNK LEADING THE DRUNK
i was in burrito mode and too drunk to move. no fucks were given. none.
Yea I almost drowned giving a BJ in the shower once
He shattered his pelvis base jumping so his dicks out of commission for 4 months. Your up, second string.
Because drinking and showering don't go hand in hand. There that's my PSA of the day.
It's the 3rd day of the year and I've already sucked two dicks. New year same ole me.
Well my mom knows that the welt I had on my forehead last month was the result of a sex accident. This holiday sucks
I would literally only have sex with a dinosaur right now.
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