grad school is all the worst parts of undergrad, without the binge drinking and bad decisions to make up for it
woke up rolled in a yoga mat listening to enya. I'm never going back to Oregon ever again.
sweetheart all i remember is you throwing up and saying "i thought things would be better now that barack obama is president"
I wish they had an "I'm Stoned" genre on online Netflix
i chugged some hot sauce before i gave him head. i think a burning penis is a great way to say fuck you
He said he was trying to live vicariously through me. I didn't have the heart to tell him that meant he was vicariously fucking his best friend.
He was drinking hot tub water because i refused to get him a glass of water...
She is ok w me having sex for money. Just gotta find rich grandmas.
We had to go to his parents last night for dinner & ended up having a quickie in the bathroom while everyone else was outside smoking.. This is why we have a successful marriage.
I feel like, for the first time today, we had a healthy yolo.
I almost put an adult beverage in my sippy cup for the beach but realized the next step would be rehab.
No the next step is being buzzed at the beach. I would've.
I should not be allowed to reproduce. The world doesn't need my sarcastic asshole demon spawn in child form
My butthole probably tastes like a Cinnabon right now
If I die, sorry about rent.
Can we just agree for a moment that semen in your sinuses is the fucking worst?
Randomize
