Cruel joke of nature. Hair on head runs from face, and hides on various parts of body. Aging sucks.
I'm way too horny to be at work right now. I think it might be legally irresponsible to leave me alone with cucumbers.
i feel this outfit says i'm better than you, but i might give you a handjob behind a building
Sorry i'm not sorry i made out with your dad. It was father's day weekend, get a grip
Dental hygienist just pulled two flakes of glitter out. And asked me how i've been doing with the divorce.
my mom found me passed out in the kitchen floor with the Brita pitcher.. Happy Mothers Day
Ok in all seriousness. Alcohol intake is now restricted for me. I found handcuffs in my trunk.
Thanks, girl! That means a lot. I can't wait to share my jail stories with you over salad and cupcakes.
If I had a vagina, my apartment would have been the Atlantic
Made out with some dude at the bar last night. Was fun until he thought bohemian rhapsody was by The Who
Cum just came out of my nose. That is all.
Bitch got stabbed in the eye. With a fork. Wait for it... At church. I was the only one at a party interested in her story. Only in the south
Yeahh. im on the phone with him drunk. he told me he found a pigeon in a cardboard box and named it quincy...
annnnd thats why you don't tip your waiter by flashing them
He was talking about his friends deceased ferret and I still managed to orgasm.
Now THAT is dedication!
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