I can't breathe out the right side of my face
he just texted me two pictures of his dick. i feel i should rethink whatever vibe im obviously giving out
so is it as big as he says?
he put a tube of toothpaste next to it as a reference. it looks legit
worst hand job ever. my dick is about as raw as that sushi your mom wanted me to try.
I just creeped all your pictures on Facebook -- it was like I watched you grow up right before my eyes.
nothing this campus sells is worth it. not even sex.
i'm naked playing bejeweled blitz in your bed. this is both a forewarning and an apology
i wrote down the address for planned parenthood on the back of the receipt for the condom that broke
youre just mad i got the high score on the breathalyzer
I suppose drinking a cosmo at lunch alone can't look good but I mean... sometimes it's just necessary
Dude, sorry for live texting you my binge drinking. If you'd like me to do the same for my hangover, I can share that I just had to sit down while q-tipping my ears.
I just overheard an "I'm going to get your dick so hard" conversation at Costco.
I asked my boyfriend if he wanted a bong for his birthday but he instead asked for corndogs
the cheaper the better
Well I just saw a fully naked man doing a headstand in a cooler of ice water.
Sorry, was sleeping. I heard a rumor that I had a hangover, so I just went with it...
Can you leave her a note saying "did you enjoy watching me fuck your roommate?"
I will.
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