OH RELAX, IT WAS PITY SEX.....
So then I sent a pic msg of the Magnum XL box to her friend
I just puked while everyone was releasing balloons. Im to hungover for this memoial service. Rest in peace great gramps.
You kept saying "sir officer" which would have been polite and helped you if it wasn't a female. She was pissed.
He burnt a smiley face into the screen with a cigarette, peed in my tub and then tried to take off his pants. tried...
Reached a new low. Drinking Wine from my thermos while on the stair master.
Should we start at nine like normal people or now like alcoholics?
I'll keep you from getting pregnant and you keep my papers gramaticallly correct
His best friend's cat died so we had a drunken burial ceremony on the side of his condo at 2am and I'm pretty sure if anyone gets ahold of the video feed from Martini Monday we're all fired.
my night stand is a mini fridge, dont even try to get on my level of laziness.
How's everyone else's ass tattoo today?
We had sex last night...... This "Friends" thing is going well.
I can't believe I watched you put a tampon in in the parking garage
He makes furniture for a living and is basically a hot, younger Ron Swanson
So hungover that I might just sit in my car and wait until chipotle opens...in two hours...
Randomize
