Do you think red sox nation has an official powerpoint template/memo format for resignations of manny support, bandwagon applications, and other official business?
My Blind Date Arrived. She looks like something I'd draw with my left hand.
hey, haven't seen your testicles in a while...you 3 still alive?
He gets creativity points for the hot sauce. But it may be awhile until my nipples forgive him
I have a huge bruise on my thigh that I am 95% sure is due to you repeatedly throwing me over couches.
I sobered up and saw I was with the fat one and you had left laughing with the hot one. You're a terrible wingman, but an excellent manipulator
I'm crying at a bar by myself drinking a pear martini drawing things dicks are scared of. How was your day?
If anyone remembers any details of tonight please address concerns to my lawyer. This is a mass text.
The toilet wouldn't flush at the club so I literally just shat in the garbage.
Thursday is not a good day to become a felon... It's bingo night
We knew it was an interesting night when we found my thong wrapped around a chocolate chip muffin in the fridge.
we were clicking our heels together saying theres no place like home, while the cops were tellin us to call our parents and tell them what happened.
drunk me always erases text conversations because she is a woman of mystery and does not like for me to know what's going on in her life
Sorry I missed your call earlier. I was getting high with my high school band teacher.
And then she grabbed my dick and started singing 'ring ring ring ring banana phone'
Randomize
