Friends don't let friends fuck ugly girls. WALK AWAY FROM HER!
"Is there dairy in semen?" was in her recent google searches...so she's lactose intolerant AND a slut.
Maybe my heart is located in my vagina
Just ordered a clown who does balloon animals. No backing out now.
you woulda been proud of me tonight though. i only made out with 2 guys. and in my defense one of them was to get a job after graduation.
I just realized I have yet to puke in your new apartment. Clearly we're doing something wrong. On my way over with Cuervo as I type.
I forgot if I was chewing my gum or my tongue
He had a tramp stamp of his own phone number. You can't tell me that isn't smart.
I just rolled an Obama blunt and a Romney shame joint for tonight. Vote wisely.
I'm sure there's been a weekend in 2014 we were sober... Clearly it wasn't fun, bc I can't recall it. Point proven, alcohol is key.
He's 5'2" and his dick 4'8"
I have loved her ever since she went down on my first wife
I need a pedicure
You need to go to planned parenthood
How’s your Christmas Eve so far?
I just chased my melatonin with red wine. It’s 12:00pm.
Found your bra in my backseat. And yes it took me that long to finally clean it out from last weekend
Didn't even know it was missing, if that makes you feel any better
Randomize
