Goodnight my chunky, little, marshmallow muncher
Uhhh...do I owe you any money? Or an apology? Or anything?
who cares. he's ugly and has a dick this big -->
When my girlfriend drinks sangria it's like winning the vagina lottery
Told a girl i wanted to feel her bellybutton from the inside... I need to learn how to flirt
Gave a homeless guy 3 bucks earlier. Just saw him at the bar. He bought one beer and left. Happy to see my 3 dollars was well spent
We opted you as the sacrificial dick tonight. We need our patron cafe. Go make some moves.
No I got myself stoned. With her bowl. She was just a casualty of the War on Sobriety.
Made eye contact with a friendly neighborhood dog walker while violently puking out the window. How's your Wednesday going?
Guess who just sucked off 1/5 of one direction?
Apparently he walked into the room and started yelling at some huge hairy dude to get out of my room. Except it wasn't my room... Because he was on the fourth floor.
Yeah he drove 30 minutes at 3 AM to come fuck me in my neighbors treehouse
At least your vagina gets to vagina again. Dust that thing off.
He was awesome with her today. I can't say that it didn't make my Fallopian tubes sing "The Hills Are Alive."
That guy u hooked me up with kept calling me james while were doing it...
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