In an effort to go green, I just used rainwater to fill my bong.
We lost the cork forthe wine, so we used a tampon as a replacement. I never loves tampons so much
Rooting for you and your team in the Beer Olympics this afternoon...! Love you, Mom
youre just mad i got the high score on the breathalyzer
Don't get the hula weed. It makes you sleep walk in destructive and confusing ways. I'll explain on Saturday.
He was dressed as ron burgundy and his pickup line was "dont worry, i wont make you jump in a bear pit."
Standards are awful. It's like living in the zombie apocalypse. You can only have sex with certain people
don't pay it forward
I eont pay shit forward. told a stranger to call an abulance and peaced
Can we do a version of last night where I actually remember shit?
No man we're leaving now. The party will probably be busted soon. O and a bitch started throwing knives around the place, like real actual knives.
I think she tried to suffocate me with her tits...she almost succeeded.
When the bouncer wouldn't let you back in you screamed "Authority is not given you to deny the return of the king!" and ran past him.
Vagina status: the swelling is going down.
I’m planning a Pharmasutra for the first night after the pandemic ends
Pharmasutra?
Me + Chris + cocktails + viagra = night of orgasms
Highlight of the day: got a bunch of drunks to sing baby shark.
Randomize
