I then asked the hardee's employee: mam, do you mind if i pay 75 cents in cash and then put the 1.13 on my debit card.
Please don't tell anyone I peed on your wall.
don't look now, but that cross eyed girl is staring at you... and me.
Fuck him. I'll set him on fire for you. Then we'll see how good of a firefighter he is.
Having drunken flash backs of me giving you a piggy back ride. I was like Jesus, and you were my cross. I fell so many times for you. This is true friendship.
I tried to take a photo for proof but couldn't hold my penis, camera, and measuring tape all at the same time.
I'll be honest. I knew what I was getting into. I'm not proud, but I'll be damned if I'm ashamed. 6 month draught is over. That's justice.
So my dad just walked in on me with the same girl twice in 3 nights. I told him if he wants to see her tits to adleast admit it. All he did was smirk.
I can measure my amount of vomit in solo cups.
Do you think it's safe to mix miralax with a tequila sunrise?
Lusting after Beyonce when you're a lesbian is like having a crush on Jesus. You just don't do it.
My friend wants your phone number so you can teach her how to take a beer bong. She saw you doing them last night and got jealous.
Just tell her to open her throat. I don't want to talk to anyone who is jealous of someone who woke up this morning with a cat in their shirt as a result of that glorious beer bonging skill.
Says the girl who left her friends to go have phone sex in the bathroom at Michael's
My feelings for him are donzo molonzo but I can't turn down a pierced penis...
I wrote an entire paper in under an hour about The Nightmare Before Christmas. I was also high as shit and pretty sure I dedicated half the page to the animation but still.
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