Considering that my ex-wife dumped me to become a lesbian, the Universe owes me a threesome.
O.A.R does not stand for Old Recycled Abortions.
So for a second i just thought clitoris was a disease.
We took up a collection and paid her $50 to eat a piece of meat. Vegetarian morals trumped once again by cash.
you fell asleep spooning with his golden retriever. im not sure if thats more degrading for you or the dog
He pocket texted me while I was blowing him in the car...What are the odds?
Considering how often you blow him,high.
I've started bribing my dorm's security guard with cookies so that he doesn't tell all the boys i'm hooking up with about each other.
Our fuck buddy relationship took a turn for the worst after we were drunk and I punched him in the face when he asked for a three some with my best friend.
You were visibly distraught that my boyfriend and I didn't have sex in your bed. You forced us to take your condoms.
I wish on days I started my period Chipotle would come to my house with a burrito bar ... Then give me a chocolate cake and a large beer.
He literally named all the parts of the vagina as he fingered me. No more pre-med virgins.
I woke up with a dick pic from the ex-Mormon via email. Not really what I wanted to see before my first cup of coffee this morning, but I gotta say, I'm impressed.
we fucked and then he hand fed me a hot pocket
I JUST BROKE A NAIL MASTURBATING. WTF I could even enjoy my orgasm bc now I'm gonna have to spend $50 on my nails.
I just had a mini meltdown cause I thought they forgot to put the cheese packet in my mac and cheese. I'm having an awful week.
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