My grandmother just explained bulimia to me as a diet
3 inches of snow, below zero windchill and i just saw a dude in a wrangler with no doors, shorts a beanie and burton snow goggles. God i love college in colorado
I'm pretty sure we've had sex a bunch more times than we've hugged. So hugs are weird when they happen.
He's drinking red wine in a margarita glass. He couldn't be more perfect for me.
It can't be good... The last recollection I have is singing lullabys to his penis
Washing vom off hardwood, so much easier than carpet. Thank you adulthood!
Horrible. I told her my girlfriend is in the hospital and she tried to give me a lapdance.
she cried into her fur with two handfuls of money- she was the physical manifestation of white girl problems
Realized we were outta oj used gerber graduates mixed fruit juice as a mixer. Mother of the Year award right here
I just put on my phone calendar to remind me of my final child support payment in 2029
The picture on Facebook I was just tagged in, with the mask, that is the definition of Carmen, my drunk alter ego
He said I took his samurai sword off his wall and proceeded to jump off his porch at people coming home from the bar.
my dry spell has ended & now it's like a tsunami of dick i can't handle it
Have you ever looked at someone and thought…oh honey, you're too pretty for an ankle monitor
I'll be back in a hour going with Jason to get his nipples tattooed back on again
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