I'm currently googling how to make a dress out of a trash bag. It's going to be a great night.
She called it mighty mouse.. And from there it was down hill
I just five second ruled a donut I dropped at starbucks, everyones staring
Just walked by a group of guys calling out walks of shame with a mega phone from their front porch.
not only did i soak my thesis by spilling celebratory shots on it, but i also stained it with lipstick making it obvious i tried to drink the vodka off it......dgaf, worth it.
What can I say, we hook up during the holidays.. We're a seasonal couple
onest when I told you I'm a paramedic but I'm also a stripper.
I sent her a picture of Richard Nixon and said "these are the only dick pics I send".
Sorry that I was such a monster last night. It was the drugs, I promise.
Eating chips and sending nudes. This is my life.
i feel sensations at the ends of my beard. Either I am super high. Or my face has accepted my beard and I completed my transformation to Mecca
Well, while we went through airport security, I found out Mom got her clit pierced, so there's that.
You came into the club around midnight with a carton of tropicana o.j. & said you were starting a revolution.
don’t ask me. i snorted coke off of a pregnancy test box last night. i obviously don’t make the best life choices.
Will you PLEASE get your mom to stop telling me I'd make a great husband? She knows I'm gay, right?!
I know, but she really likes you. Have you met my brother yet?
Randomize
