if i could have babies with my dog i totally would cause i know thay would be fucking hott babies.
Im too awkward for one night stands. I need to hire someone to come clear them out of my bed before I wake up.
were with a gay guy with a minnesota accent. think about how funny that sounds.
I want to give my boyfriend great head for his birthday...can i practice on you?
She carries her pencils in a crown royal bag... Need I say more?
i woke up completely naked except for a bottle of beer saran wrapped in between my boobs
we had a ceremony where you passed your fake id onto me in the middle of the bar. i was on my knees and you presented it to me. i don't think the bartenders were suspicious though
That freshman kid successfully snuck into a college party, got caught, proceeded to jump out of a second story window without getting a scratch then met up with us a block away and somehow managed to get a bottle of grey goose in the meantime. He is truly blessed by the alcohol gods
So far in the last ten minutes I have tried to pour cereal into a plate. Today's gonna be a great day.
If I get there and all he has for my big valentines surprise is his body, I'm dumping his ass and posting his dirty pictures on a porn site so people can laugh at him.
According to facebook, I opened up a can of whupass on some douche who poured all the vodka on the ground.
You called the wrong number but I salute you.
I will be there. invited or not. I go where the pancakes go.
i'm just really offended he didn't want to have breakup sex. like that was the only thing i was really looking forward to
I had sex in the back of a hot foreign guy with a lacoste eye patch's car
I just lost my handcuff virginity and not in the sexy way.
Randomize
