I heard we made out
took him home. told him i would rock his world. passed out. a for effort f for follow thru
I would give my right arm to go back to college. Or maybe not. Would be kinda hard to pick up guys with one arm. Then again, knowin what I do now...I could take any freshman bithc with only one arm.
So you know how craigslist used to have an "erotica" section? And how after you click on a link it changes a darker color? And how Dad stays up really late most nights?
Oh god... well at least he's gettin some. Mom's a prude.
the bank didn't screw up, i spent 150$ at mcdonalds last night
The timing couldn't have been better if I planned it. His mom walked away, I vomited in their mulch, and then his mom came back and offered me bread.
You will receive a large, large reward, worth much more than the actual phone you are holding, paid not only in cash but in sexual favors, if you return this phone! Please respond if you're interested in cash/sex/or just being a good person. Thanks and hope to hear from you soon!
My phone broke again .... im not really sure how im going 2 explain the teeth marks to the ppl at the Verizon store
Would I chase a raccoon with a flaming stick sober?
Ohh man. That was a snatch-waxer with a score to settle.
Is that a question you really want to ask or do you just want to tell you that I can't walk without feeling like my legs are collapsing underneath me
I'm too pretty to go to jail. Especially in Louisiana.
YOU ARE THE ONLY PERSON I KNOW THAT STEALTH CLEANS PEOPLE TOILETS
the orange of my hangover Tang is hurting my eyes... my coworkers knew it was hangover Tang too.
There were 16 girls and 31 titties. That’s how the club was. Lance doesn’t get to decide ever again.
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