I'm chasing vodka with french fries.
Someone should've told Pope jumper lady and terrorist pants guy that the Worst of 2009 lists already went out....
The lack of respect you have for your penis baffles me. I'd rather rub my ball sack on public toilet seats than stick my dick in some of those girls.
A simple 'no' would have sufficed
Please fuck him. And then let me tell her. And then let me protect you from the knife she pulls from her Ed Hardy purse. Please.
dudes here are drinking wine, and not in the forgivable 'just doing this to get laid' way
Put cigar in mouth backwards. Plz remind to check for scar in morning, can't feel it now. Screwdrivers are like morphine.
Odd question. Did you find a 20 in your boxers? I need it for gas.
Your roommates boyfriend just approached me while I was working to tell me about the staph infection he got on his face. Where do you find these people?
Every time I roll over in bed I land on a different vibrator. I feel I'm the only one with this problem.
He will. He has no choice. What's he gonna do? Find a better fuck buddy? We both know that's not possible. I'm the ideal friend with benefit. Minus snoring and uneven tits.
I'm hurting so bad I actially had to wait for my mini wheats to get soggy before I could eat them..
They only searched every other person. But I sacrificed myself to get our vodka across the border
It made me want to take you home, put you in footie pajamas and feed you spaghettios
If he would've shaved his beard when we first broke up, getting over him would've been so much simpler. That asshole.
They left me at home... I'm a liability
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