3:40 am: you never wrote back on my facebook wall
I'm driving behind a lime green VW that has "Seniors '10!" shoe polished on the rear window. i haven't even seen her yet, but I do have a boner.
dude, seriously he just sucked the milk out of the dogs breast and swallowed it... for $20, wtf....?
Just spent 15 minutes trying to save the life of a fruit fly that dive-bombed my coffee. I figured it doesn't make sense to let two souls die in this place...
Just walked out of 7 11 still in uniform when 4 girls in bikinis in a convertable screamed "we fuck firefighters!"
Career choice validated
There are so many Jimmy John's employees here
Where are you?
Jimmy John's.
I posted my balls on ericas instagram. It got 17 likes.
Dude she gave you head while I was in the closet, we've passed the "awkward" phase.
It's fine...I've done worse things to better people.
you're usually drunk when you offer. there's one time you called me, told me not to dye my hair red, and asked if i wanted to see your tits.
Filthy. I need to be power hosed with holy water.
I want a battle ostrich, get me a battle ostrich and then come and make love to me
I am watching xfiles and eating microwaved cookiedough, and I see nothing wrong with it.
It feels so wrong having a picture of my tits next to a picture of my daughter.
Just got invited to a tree party by some random chicks. They're literally just sitting up in a tree with a handle of rum and a box of goldfish crackers and yelled at me as I was walking by...
Randomize
