i just pissed myself at work. maybe they'll buy the old coffee spill trick
I just got a drinking merit badge from a slutty girl scout
You are the patron saint of my drinking problem.
I thought i'd save money with No Heat November but the amount of whiskey i have to buy to stay warm is probably adding up to more than a heat bill.
I wiped my mouth this morning with a pine tree branch after I threw up on the side of the road. Tis the season
There was a reason God said "Let there be titties" on the Fifth Day.
I think all the stress in my life right now can be directly correlated with never winning a game of Bop It as a child.
the cops accepted 42 wallaby way Sydney. and the cops, and cab driver accepted the new address. please tell the win i am experiencing
Eating a grilled cheese at a strip club... good idea??
I just literally had a dance party in my closet. I've never been this blazed.
If your night didn't end with writing a witness report for the cops at a shwarma place, your night was probably less interesting than mine.
And that is why I love you so much. You have the same cold black heart as me.
He said he wanted to lick the breadcrumbs off my chest
OMFG I JUST SEARCHED DILDO ON THE WORK SHARED AMAZON ACCOUNT!!!!!
So is he the one who got away?
They all got away. I’m a catch and release kind of girl.
Randomize
