rough night. sneezed a watermelon seed this morning and apparently I drunk dialed my boss for a ride home. twice.
She dumped a fish bowl of alcohol on herself. Just like flash dance.
Just remembered when I bought that round of shots I told the girls to "get their whore friend" who was making out with her bf instead of drinking. I don't know why they stayed.
Please God, is a penis possibly making it to vagina town to much to ask for tonight.
Day drinking straight vodka out of a Mountain Dew can being towed behind a kayak on a raft. And no, there is no time difference, it really is 10 am.
Bang-toberfest begins!!
Wearing a french maid costume for Halloween sure did help me meet girls
Dude, they all thought you were gay.
I won't trust your judgement until the word stripper doesn't make me laugh
i keep seeing little orange spots im starting to freak out
you tried mixing adderall in your visine last night..
He wanted to watch a Charlie Brown thanksgiving. But I was like, fuck that, I'm a grown up. So we watched jumanji and I sucked his dick.
Mike Pence got the fuck boy eyes though
Lo siento on account of my penis...
I am mildly hung over. Decided pants are very unnecessary right now.
Talk all the shit you want but I slept in a oversized monster truck tire last night.
He’s definitely circumcised. There’s not enough room in those speedos for a foreskin with that fire hose he’s packing.
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