you were running down the aisles of wal mart singing 'follow the yellowbrick road'. i'm pretty sure you thought the night shift workers were the munchkins & started crying when they wouldnt help u find the wizard. needless to say u were pretty stoned/wasted
you should probably quit with the whole "no homo" thing, especially when you are drunk, "mo homo"gives the wrong impression.
Does it make me a prostitute if I accepted a Life House concert ticket for giving this guy head?
No. It just means your good at giving head.
Dude. She told me she felt bad for not giving me more blojobs. HOW COULD THAT HAVE GONE BETTER?
you were sitting on your bed looking out the window, rocking back and forth naked, saying how peaceful it looked outside
Eating a muffin with a knife and fork. Hangovers have hit a new low.
just an fyi, false alarm on the whole ghonnorea thing. you're safe.
my head gets it he sucks but my LAME FUCKING HEART IN MY VAGINA doesnt
Hey, remember when Hot Stuff played in the back of the ambulance? Or no, cause of your concussion...
Well, thats the first guy to go to jail because of my vagina
Post that event on your timeline
So scratching an ex marines beard, telling him "nice hairy pussy." then when he opens his mouth to respond, I started fingering his mouth. Needless to say was a horrible idea
Martha Stewart has had a one night stand and is unsure if she's had a threesome. I no longer feel slutty.
That edible kicked in right as I was upside-down on that rollercoaster. Fucking.mind.blown.
Let's be honest dude, you almost cried when I gave you a handy, you are not ready for a relationship, I knew this.
He gave me an extra phone charger for the other side of the bed the other night. Is that love?
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