elementary school lunch room party. everyone brings their own lunch and can trade stuff. all juice is booze.
Reason #3 women are better than men: texting and peeing simultaneously. Write THAT in the fucking snow.
U know u have sex too much when u have lube in ur rolliball on ur blackberry
If there was a creeper hall of fame you and me would be the first two inductees
i just wanna lock my vagina in a safe filled with bandaids and healthy things
I don't have enough holes for all these australians
I mean we had sex in a crib. You tell me how my night was.
Russell brand is gross. Everytime I see him I just wanna give him a bath. He's like a used condom.
He handed me a temporary tattoo and said cover the hickey up with this
I just walked out topless, stared his brother straight in the eye, and ate all the rest of their cookie dough.
I took a 19 year old to a strip club and ended up in a three way. Divorced life might be OK.
His birthday is on Valentines Day, of course he's getting a blowjob
dave might be using McDoubles to pay for dances
he has gotten at least 7 lap dances out back
The Lion King Is on YouTube
Until 2 minutes ago I actually had a chance to pass my midterms... thanks alot
My fire has petered out without you
My Peter has fired out without you
That might be the most romantic thing you’ve said to me, unfortunately.
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