i'm touring the leper colony via mapquest street view so we dont have to go there
I guess i tried to text 911 last night with "someone stole my bong." Thank god that doesn't work...
Most of the time people just stick whatever they want in my mouth. Thanks for letting me decide this time
A freshman just referred to Home Improvement as 'tim the tool man show'. People born after 1990 are not people.
all I know is I'm really rwfly really really stoned and a bunch of Korean people are yelling at me
All I remember from last night is petting the broom with my feet and feeling like I was standing on a horses head
I think I was using my hair to catch my vomit last night.
You were.
The shit show didn't end. it just relocated itself to my apartment instead of yours.
you also need to get my treadmill fixed.
Peed in a sink tonight. That drunk. I'm not proud of myself for what I did. But to carry it out with such class. I should be awarded
I think that girl got really offended when I made out with baby Jesus.
Just to circumvent as much mood-killing as possible, you are allowed a small amount of laughter at my pubic hair. Too much and I revoke your vagina privileges until you can get your shit together.
I tried to find the bar, ended up at a car dealership. Then the alarms went off.
Who wouldn't want a man who can knock a guy out but also loves the bachelor.
It's the best of both worlds
Nothing says "Hello, Adulthood!" quite like receiving a dick photo at 11AM from a guy you haven't heard from since fifth grade.
I just had a flashback to us shaking up Gatorade mix and then inhaling it in your kitchen because it was funny. Now I can't stop laughing in work because that is the stupidest shit.
Randomize
