I feel like i just miscarried Jesus's baby...
Ive given up on my natural charms. Im trying different accents till some girl wants to hook up with me.
Just watched the couple I sit for and 4 of their friends shotgun beers like college kids. Please let this be us when we get older.
I think I've officially made out with the entire starbucks staff.
Like. I probably should fuck him. I owe him for breaking his thumb.
my dad just paid them in porn...i no longer feel guilty for getting hammered and not helping
Post a pic on facebook and see if those same 46 girls find shitting in the bed handsome and adorable
She introduced me as that girl Nathan was fingering
So note to self oboe reeds soaked in Apple Rubinoff sound GREAT.
In honor of today being Sunday I am day drinking and watching Grey's Anatomy all day. ALL DAY.
Pretend you're in a taco. That always helps me sleep.
Got a snapchat from Megan last night showing you sobbing about a burrito on the floor with Dan in the background trying not to laugh his ass off
Omg she's a human wrecking ball. I love it.
I am to reach this level of casual destruction.
Tis the season to play Pocahontas! (AKA: Eat a bunch of acid and run around the yard barefoot, the first person to see the colors of the wind, wins!)
just woke up and had to check if i still had pants on, i really need to stop drinking
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