Either I get my picture taken sitting on a fuckin pony, or I'm not coming.
so we started it doggy style, but since we were really drunk kinda fell to the side and turned into a 'lazy dog'... my new favorite position btw
Did i throw a brick at someone last night?
i'm duct taped to my bed with a condom in my hand. something went wrong
Actually, what with the curvature of the Earth, it's faster to leave from Washington. And Google maps recommends kayaking instead of swimming.
Did i tell you my idea for my life plan? Not the one that involves stripping.
I made him an O's fan. One pic of my tits coming out of a Baltimore shirt and it was done.
Ski vacations are for hooking up with randoms. It's like I don't even know you
She is currently drunk and caressing my professor's face with one hand.
I'm worried because he hasn't removed it.
I think I just legit sprained my wrist from holding myself up while giving a blow J. God dammit come already
That's why you need to have them together. Katie started crying on the couch and she just gave her a tube of crackers and picked up a beer at the same time. She's like a goddess of making things chill
I'm gonna eat more dunkaroos to cope with what's in my vagina.
She wouldn't eat a clam- if you blow a line pregnant you can eat a clam
The good thing about country bars is that the men generally look like men. The bad thing is the country music.
I asked you why you bought a sword and you then replied with the greek alphabet and then tried to assure me that samurais are apart of greek life.
Randomize
