oh well we may not be friends on facebook but at least i got laid
I think the phrase "bag of smashed assholes" describes it best
I just got three quarters of the way there before I realized I was way too stoned for class so I bought a smoothie and walked home.
I know the vomits not mine cause its on my back.
Also when they left they could only find one sock between the two of them. Apparently we're like crazy sock ripping vixens when we bring guys home drunk
got one for peeing in public....called the cop a donut dunking communist...should be a fun court appearance
You came over, called every girl Comrade Heather, and then declared that you were an Eagle, and we were your young.
So all in all, a good night.
I just looked into the eyes of the man whose car I peed on last night
I'm studying. And by studying I mean I am laying on my floor drinking boones farm alone. Last two weeks. Fuck it.
I know I'm high, but the dude in target definitely just told me that it's best to walk through every door in life like you're a t-rex....
How weird would it be to ask your bro to 3d print your dick for me
do I look like a person who has full control of their limbs and existence on this plane of reality
so he's a sleeptalker.
yeah??
"Mitochondria is the powerhouse of the cell" right in my ear. 2 am.
Mom is so high she had to turn off the ceiling fan because it was going too fast and it freaked her out.
You couldn’t remember the word hand jibber. Instead, your drunk ass offered the bartenders “unlimited hand fritters” if they wouldn’t cut you off.
Randomize
