I hate you but I'm not in hate with you
Funny thing- my attraction to each one is inversely proportional to his level of availability.
3 st and 6 ave. One dollar pitchers. Look out world.
yeah so i didn't even realize i was on meth until the next morning
talked to my RA about stamps and mailmen again. when do you think she'll realize that i only talk to her when i'm high?
I Apparently saved a picture of the Eiffel tower in between 2 pics of his dick. It appears to be the same size. I fucking love Paris.
The woman exiting the men's room tried convincing me she was actually a good-looking man.
This creepy guy was following me and i hid in the bushes. i could say i was high as an excuse but honestly it was straight up fun.
Just bought a beer belt to complete the Captain America outfit. I will do my part as a hero of America to pass out beer to the good citizens of America.
I woke up to a text that said, "I can see you but can't get in." It was the pizza delivery guy who saw me passed out drunk on the floor through the front door.
Can you explain to me why there are fake boobs glued on my chest?
I woke up with my panties in the cat food dish, and everything covered in honey and bruises.
Speaking of boners I learned how to say " jizz everywhere" in sign language
I've never been this drunk around this many toddlers
I blacked out after the piñata full of condoms
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