It's not real sex if he's just convulsing inside of you.
I knocked on some strangers door, you didn't have to give me a fake hotel room number
wouldnt it be awesome if walks of shame were like charity walks...you could get sponsors and shit and donate money to curing STDs or cancer
Just looked at my outgoing calls. Seems I had a 7 minute convo with my 10th grade english teacher at 2:56 am Saturday...
Sorry for drunk singing "love hurts" to you at 3 am.
They got me high and left me at the mall with a giftcard for $400. I need an adult.
FridayRule: If it takes you longer than 5 minutes to find a parking spot, you don't have class today
You said "bag of dicks" before passing out and falling off the landing
Oh god... Please tell me Sarah didn't see me like this
...you may have kinda punched her in the tit on the way down...
But it's ok cause then I turned my tequila blanket into a tequila comforter and I felt no pain
After tacos, we're chasing women.
Hypothetically speaking how does one remove a lamp that they hypothetically superglued to the ceiling?
Acetone nail polish remover, and you lied about studying last night didn't you?
Oh definitely.
I got poked in the eye with a penis last night. How's your day?
While he was going down town Julie brown, I was eating French fries. True Love
I don't know how I got home but I'm pretty sure the guy in my closet had something to do with it
I’m gonna slowly take you in my mouth and push you deep into my throat so my lips are right up against your body and then I’m gonna fucking bite your shit off if one more of our friends shows me a snap you took while I was giving you head. Are we clear?
Randomize
