I want you more than these girls want KFC
anyone who says 'i love you' and then followed by 'im going to call the cops if you touch me' doesnt really mean the first part fyi
if you don't go out with us, what are you gonna do? you're gonna go home and watch biodome and masturbate to texts from your east coast boyfriend and see the facebook pictures from the party when you wake up.
Nothing like throwing up 1/2 price appatizers and 2 4 1 personal pitcher in uniform to remind myself what a succesful failure I am
You held your own hair and threw up into a red cup...I think they were more amazed than upset.
He did plead exhaustion. And I made him push through it. I am like the motherfucking badass football coach of sex.
I've never known a guy to fuck more random girls in the ass then Dom. His rectal kill ratio is at like 85%
He's like the Derek Jeter of Anal
They seemed upset when they walked out and saw a penis in a mouth
We tried lying really still and being really quiet so that he wouldn't notice us before he left the room. Forgot about the glow in the dark condom.
We got the DJ into it too! "If there are any dudes into other dudes out there, my man mark is looking to get pounded. Buy him a drink stat!"
Why is there a traffic cone in the shower? And did you wash it with my body wash? It smells nice.
He blacked out and wouldnt drink anything unless he funneled it, so I made him funnel water
I explained to him that me turning straight is a once a year thing. And this boy just happens to be the chosen one.
I tried to face swap with Chuck Norris. His face was too powerful... it broke my snap chat.
I like to make sure they know it's casual by giving then a high five after sex
Randomize
