Facebook lets you pick usernames now. You'd better log on and get yours before homewreckingwhore is taken...
spell your last name, im trying to find you on facebook
You supply the liquor and I'll "accidently" forget my bathing suit.
Deal!
the only reason i even kissed her was because we were having sex when it midnight, and i heard people yelling "happy new year."
I wish you would always start your sentences with "speaking of my clit..."
so you told her it was a 'nam scar? i mean, how old does she think you are.
I accidentally lit my hair on fire and we broke the bed. How was your night?
Ive never seen one person more proud of themselves of peeing in public and getting away with it.
He was humming "here comes Peter cottontail" while unbuttoning his pants. Happy Easter to me
We ended up at an Asian frat. I made out with two Mexicans at the same time and I pulled a muscle in my leg from twerking too low. Diversity.
In going to go underground and live with the mole people for a while.
You're never gonna guess who's blood is on my shirt
Why do I feel like I really don't want to hear the end of this...
I spend so much of my life shaving my body hair off and I want nothing more than his beard in all my hairless places.
Did he at least walk u home
He offered. I dont like that shit. I want his dick not his presence on my walk home
i passed out in front of ihop...for the second night in a row. i think i need to reevaluate my life choices
Randomize
