And I just threw up at the table during Mother's Day Brunch.
Oh and ps....i was sleeping soundly until i woke up by the sound of amy on the phone with her mom sobbing hysterically because she can't stop having the shits.
If I saw Perez Hilton naked I think I would stick a lit candle down my throat.
we've already established he's totally wasted. but now he's just sitting at his computer, doing i don't know what, and he keeps saying "dammmn girl" in a really low whisper
We were sexting and then the radio announced robert pattinson would be playing kurt cobain in a movie and it totally killed the mood
i wrote down the address for planned parenthood on the back of the receipt for the condom that broke
Please tell me how you drunkenly remembered your social security number when we were checking you into the ER.
Walking down the street trying to find the pants I had on last night
100 proof captain the only man who can make me strip during a snowstorm
I respect your roll as DD and there're am required to respect your vehicle
I don't care what you say, the fact that he's a drag queen with the same shoe size as me is reason enough to date him
Drunk me really needs to stop 1. telling every attractive dude in a relationship that monogamy isn't real 2. Proposing threesomes with them and their girlfriends
You bet your firm but soft ass I miss you
dad says come back and get the lawn mower out of the pool before mom gets home
I've been on the cocaine and semen diet for the last 24 hours, lunch sounds great.
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