I just fell down the stairs in the library and further deviated my septum. That's why I don't study.
I woke up with her little sister yelling "she's dead !!" from the bathroom doorway.
She's pissed. She declared she was moving out and proceeded to pack 3 pairs of shoes, her electric wine opener and ONE sock. Then told us to have fun paying her portion of the rent.
I just remember thinking, if she falls asleep, I'm totally eating that spilled chex mix right off of her.
Is it cum slut, cumslut or cum-slut? Sexting, plz advise ASAP
I still don't understand how I went from crying to blowing you in like two minutes.
You expect me to find someone in two days who I feel comfortable enough with to ask them to get drunk and go play in foam with me?
Wow. A quad shot of peppermint schnapps. I feel like I just deep throated a candy cane. Best 21st ever.
I gave the naked guy in the hotel a pop tart. He stopped crying.
He's def the type to chop us into bits whilst screaming "NAPA BITCH". AKA my type
She was horrified when I asked if they had any strap on chin dildos, I was at a sex shop for gods sake must I be judged everywhere
Did you miss the part about my hangover needing a day to rest?
I know you're very busy with sleep and things, but when you wake up we need to talk about weirdly shaped penises.
You were passed out in the OutBack Bowl Shrimp costume and when we asked you wtf happened you just said On Wisconsin.
My fuck buddy just proposed... Correct me if I'm wrong, but doesn't that completely defeat the purpose of FRIENDS with benefits?
Now you can be friends with Insurance Benefits.
Randomize
