just witnessed a squirrel raping another squirrel. i couldn't look away.
Did your girl go home? Did she have fun? Can we have our friend back?
So dude, she and I just got done having the most amazing sex, and then she rolled over and said that "lets make some tacos" and proceeded to the kitchen... naked... I'm buying the ring tomorrow
Even the French judge on the olympics would give that a 10
I don't want her to kill herself before she gets over me, getting mentioned in a suicide note isn't very fly.
but it's kind of a high honor.
he screamed PILLOW FIGHT and hit branden in the head with a pillow that had a fifth of vodka in it. then he asked why he wasnt laughing
The salesman at the smoke shop just told me my hair is glorious...
I danced with this guy last night, I left like I was humped by a blind baby kangaroo trying to body-box.
When you're high, you dance like an injured velociraptor.
Nothing says happy valentines day like waking up to a naked man you hooked up with taking a walk of shame
I woke up this morning with a half eaten bagel and an empty pack of imitation crab meat in my bed. This is going to be my response to pick up lines now.
Why do I know about what dicks have been in your mouth but didn't know you had a dog? What kind of friends are we??
Anne is dead. totally passed out and was flat out in the street
You WHAT?!?!
Paid. A. Homeless. Guy. To. Throw. A. Drink. In. Her. Face.
I fucking love you.
There’s nothing that says motivation more than watching these little geniuses on Kids Baking Championship New Year’s Day. I’m ready to fuck shit up this year.
My brain is like a TV with 10 channels, 9 of them are static and the other one just plays that one Nagito Komaeda edit on loop 24/7
Randomize
