Asian hipster sighting. About to tackle him and ask him to take me to chinatown
I drank almost a whole fifth last night. Woke up with blood everywhere wearing a "stereotype this" tshirt. How fitting
I take back everything bad I said about that song party in the usa. There's just something about seeing a cross dresser lipsing it that makes a song sooo much better.
All she does is lay in bed and watch golden girls and masturbate all day...
It's inspiring.
It's that time of the week again where I begin to ponder life's great questions like, "What will my pathetic excuse for a future look like?" and "Why tacos?"
My ex was there, the 2 girls I'm seeing showed up and I had a pocket full of VIP passes 2 the strip club. Had all the makings of an epic night but I fell asleep at the bar.
And I think your bro would be happy to know that when I took my bra off like 10lbs of confetti fell out. It was like my tits were celebrating being free
Totally. Bang on. He'll be fine. He might cry into your perfect tits once in a while, but that's the price ya pay.
My costume for the end of the world party was a success. Everyone in the ER thought I was there because I got hit by a car when it was actually from alcohol poisoning.
plus there's no nice way to tell a guy you physically hate the shape of their cock.
In the bath trying to absorb water through my skin because I can't drink it.. That hungover
Welp... sober this am and I still have a parrot.
I just ate a handful of salt
I thought this was a good idea
i wish i could put you in a lil box, and keep you for when i need to be blown
Who told you he won a fight? He slammed his face into the ground while trying to do 11 push-ups
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