I'm too high to be shopping. I just contemplated deoderant for fifteen minutes. Now testing pillows
yah i'm on my way- is everything ok?
i'm holding a walmart bag of my own hot vomit that i closed up with some random chicks hair tie. we r pretty fucking far from ok
The bartender laughed but the manager kicked me out when the mom conplained. There's no way my fart harmed that baby in any way
I just made Jack Daniels snow cones.
he swears he got herpes from a bowl of soup
So we are lighting beer bottles on fire and breaking them in half to make glasses
That sounds dangerous
Don't worry......were wearing oven mits.
I'm on strict orders from her to keep sleeping with you until you give her a job next summer.
so he woke up after being passed out and yelled that he had brought back moon rocks for everybody...
I feel the need to point out that one of the items on my to-do list for the day is "don't throw up" I have no concept of normal
Man in California was arrested for killing and eating a wild bobcat while high on crystal meth. Let's please NEVER get that high on anything...
THERE IS A VIDEO OF DMX SINGING RUDOLPH THE RED NOSE REINDEER
I'm officially in the Christmas spirit
If we don't rescue him from the fat chick soon, she is going to eat him alive and suck the marrow from his bones.
So the guy I hooked up with during welcome week just tried to booty call me from across the lecture hall at 9am. I don't think he gets how this works...
You put on some guys Birkenstocks that were abandoned on the dance floor overtop of your flats. Then ran out of the bar high gives the bouncer and said "look at my new kicks" then he was like woah wait a minute someone is missing those and made you return them. You were very upset
Dammit. the window insulation sheets are too small for my windows. Yet again I am disappointed by size
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