sorry i'm running a bit late. had to shave my brittney...was looking more like rapunzel. clearly i've been having a drought.
i cant belive i got a ticket! i know what his dick tastes like!
moving back to school this early was a terrible idea we already used up our bail fund
You love him. Dinosaurs. Math. Sex.
Why did 20 jello shots in a row sound like a good idea last night?
3 things. 1) we need alcohol 2) we need alcohol 3) we need tortilla chips. Let's make a plan. Bro shakes and salsa.
Before you even think your day was worse than mine, I had to disinfect and and stitch another dude's penis after his prince Albert got ripped out by an angry chick.
The security guard popped his head over the mens room door and goes "nice tits- now get out." Deer in headlights moment right there.
He's hot though. It's not like he JUST got out of prison. That was like months ago
FUCK... Pulled a chick from the bar went to her house passed out on the shitter. She lives in a house full of girls. They were making poop jokes as i left
Eating a chocolate bar and crying over a cobweb. Life is beautiful and I love shrooms.
Would you consider masturbating to Hocus Pocus an adulthood high or low?
lol hangovers are for mortals.
i showed up really high and was trying to not be,so in order to not seem high, i got plastered
Complete and utter failure. 100% unsalvageable. I have not failed so hard at a culinary endeavor in YEARS. MY HONOR IS IMPUGNED I HAVE SHAMED MY HOUSE
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