The girl here has a popped collar. Can I slap her?
Yes. For all mankind please do.
Is it wrong of me that I wish I could be a midget for a day so I can give head standing up?
you poured 3 beers into an empty vase and then passed out, so i drank them for you. don't say i'm not a good friend.
every single one of us blacked out. we woke up the next morning and it was like the night never happened. IT'S STILL A MYSTERY
I never kept track of who else he slept with. You think I have the time or the energy to keep track of every dick in my life?
Today I met the neighbor that shares my bedroom wall. When I pointed out my unit, he said, "Oh, that's you? Oh... that's you." I didn't think much of it until I was in bed tonight and I heard him clear his throat. He's. Heard. Everything.
Me and Phil are just drawing pictures of thumbs in different costumes during lecture. I love being a senior.
Now that I'm hitting my bong, I realized I haven't missed something so much in a long time. I love Thomas the Dank Engine.
Good news. I heard back from the doctor and I don't have a liver problem.
...yet.
Wake up. Pour coffee. Open blinds. Guy is skipping class and jacking off furiously to Asian porn. Close blinds. Finish coffee. So this must be what med school is like.
DOMA is dead. I'm definitely going to be the last of our friends to get married now.
I'm not sure... How do you tell someone who was so smashed they couldn't remember shoving their dick into the fireplace that their mother actually witnessed the whole thing?
Trust me, dating 38 and 20 year old dudes at the same time is the best. Money plus all of the sex. Finally figured out this relationship thing.
These are the things that make me so grateful... that I slept with your sister instead.
I think it might be the guy sitting next to me. I've concluded he HAS to be smuggling insane amounts of onions in his wardrobe to smell like that
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